Chances are no one will ever see these but that thought gives me a little comfort.
I feel I should give you a little back ground information but I could go on for pages and pages about how .. like so many others.. I met a boy and fell in love and it all went to shit. But I’ll try and keep it short and just tell you what is relevant. We met on the internet and talked for about 2 years.. made plans and all that adorable lovely Shit you ache for when you’re alone. I was really hesitant to meet him though, I wanted to be better, to be good enough but it got to the point where I would lose out either way as he ultimatum’d me. Lose him forever instantly or get to watch him sleep for one whole night like I’d wanted to forever.. so I agreed .. this was roughly 2 months ago.. and now it’s awkward for me.. we still talk.. but it’s not the same, and I hate it. I don’t know what to do with myself all day and he never says goodnight or tells me he’s busy .. just disappears like poof.. gone..
I wish he hadnt said he’d come back while he was here. It was so easy to believe him, being able to look into his eyes while he said it..
Everything I do hurts, to play games, to listen to music, to to have him going around and around in my head all day everyday. Even when I’m sleeping
It’s going to be a tough rest of my life .. I can feel it