Love Problems

Reasons feelings suck

Sometimes (or always if you’re me) your feelings are total bastards. You can’t just switch them on and off at will, no matter how hard you try. Occasionally you may manage to delay the sadness or whatever unpleasant feelings you wish but in the end they always catch up.
Love for example can be the biggest bitch of them all. I’m 22.. and have never had a serious relationship. The only one that came close was long distance (in another country) and that fucked me over just as I thought it was about to amount to something.
“what’s that? You’re moving here? Better tell you I’m living with a girl I knocked up before you do that”
Am I’ve only been interested in 4 others over my entire life. All of whom had absolutely no interest what so ever. Not that I blame them. It just seems like my heart is hard set on fucking me over into a constant state of “i want that.. pretty please? I’ll do anything” and then “whoops guess you can’t have that after all HAHAHAHAHA”
Why do you do when following your heart only leads to months and years and a seemingly infinite amount of time where you want to stay in bed and die quietly in the dark.
And it only feels more patheticly sad when the only things you want are the easiest things to get for most people. And how you imagine the response could get worse everytime you say something else that you want from that person.
“i want to see you smile” – no that’s weird
“i want to listen to you play the guitar” – no ..
“i want a hug” – I don’t want one from you
“i want to hold your shirt” – I don’t like you, go away

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