Life Problems · Love Problems

I still can’t sleep / Birthday wish

Maybe I think too much. I honestly don’t know. I just cant sleep when I’m not happy and.. I’m always not happy.
Unhappy and lonely. But I’d rather be sad and alone than sad and in the company of someone I didn’t really give a shit about. It’s so much worse when you’re around people, having to force yourself to smile or to keep just enough control that you don’t cry infront of anyone.

It’s my birthday soon. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I saw him.. since he said he’d. Come back and see me again.. big fat liar. I’m not going to mention it to him – my birthday I mean. There’s no point. I’d just end up telling him that I want to see him and last time all he could do was make a joke to avoid saying anything about it.

Me: “i want to do something on my birthday”
Him: “Like what?”
Me: “i don’t know.. see you/ go somewhere/ jump off a bridge haha” (yes I made an awkward joke first)
Him: “YOU jump off a bridge =_=”
Me: “that’s what I meant”
-changes subject-

I want him to turn up at my house on the day, with balloons or a teddy or something and give me a hug, and let me spend the day clinging to him, even if he doesn’t want me to.. just to be kind to me.
It’s not going to happen.
I’ve wished on so many stars .. one of them has to come true right?

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