14 days. Two whole weeks since the initial horrific question I asked Roy. He’s gone now. I really don’t think he’s coming back. I mean he deleted his messenger account, sends a pretty clear message. He still hasn’t blocked me on whatsapp though. Which is nice.. for bad reasons that confirm his assumption of me. Though to be fair I wasn’t stalking him untill AFTER he accused me of it. So… I guess I’m taking the low road. He’s been online a few times. I feel like.. maybe he’s checking up on me. To see how active I am… I am aware that this is completely delusional but it’s better than the alternative – break down and cry at everything.
E.g. I watched the amazing Spiderman 2, he looks like Roy. Every cute scene made my insides hurt and ache and twist into a painful mess. But I kept my shit together.. I think.
It still really hurts and I’m not sure it’s going to go away. I keep thinking about what would happen if I turned up at his house. I’d probably be cursed out and humiliated and end up walking infront of a bus.
ADHD(i might need a better name for him) is keeping my mind busy in the mean time. He’s nice and stuff.. I attempted to show more cleavage earlier but I really don’t think it worked. I got no hug. But I did get a bro-fist.. I think he might think I’m bisexual now.. I’d kiss a girl, anything above the waist seems fine with me.. does that count as bisexual?
I should quit while I’m ahead. It seems my feelings get totally fucked over when I like people so I’m just going to take the early exit from the road heading for pain town. Safe and boring always has been my choice after all.