Life Problems

Life in Delusion

I have mentioned, that I’m all fairytales and prince charming and .. hearts and flowers in the terms of Fifty Shades.
I wonder a lot of the time if there’s really anyone out there that thinks the way I do.
It’s complicated but I’m going to try and explain it. Maybe it’s a wobbly equality, my opinion usually differs from person to person so not all of these are set in stone but they may have.. I suppose sub categories of acceptable excuses.
So this is pertaining to people I like/consider dating.

1. I don’t want to know about your ex’s. And I sure as hell don’t want to see them.
Sub point – Friends with benefits is weird
– I’m a ridiculously jealous person. And I found with Roy (when he actually liked me) that I don’t want to know. I just really don’t. The very idea of someone else touching you, being with you.. it makes me ill. I don’t want to know what you’ve done, I don’t want to know if they were good. And I sure as hell don’t want to see their faces. My head likes to spew out little disgusting images at random points in time. I don’t want to be talking to you or about to kiss you when the image of you and some girl doing it cowgirl style pops into my head. I would literally vomit on you… Literally. (but is completely fine if we were just friends before I started to like you).

2. I like to be teased.
– But not right in my face.
It’s one thing to text me that there’s a pretty girl sitting next to you (so long as it’s obviously to make me jealous) it’s another to be sitting with me in a place and point out all the girls you think are hot. I think it’s the visual aid that makes it unacceptable.

3. I don’t want sex that badly.
– I’m a slow type person. I have a lot of personal-space issues and you should understand (assuming I’ve told you) and be aware that it’s hard enough for me to hold your hand or hug you even though it’s one of the only things I really want while you’re around. That’s not to say I don’t want sex at all. I do. But it’s usually the last thing on my mind when I’m around a person and it takes a lot for me to be comfortable with you, you shouldn’t just toss me aside because I tell you I can’t do it.

4. I want to give you presents
Sub – but only if you buy me something too.
– the thing is, if I like someone.. I would do almost anything to make them smile. I try a lot harder than I really should because of point 3, and because I don’t feel physically worth sticking around for. I don’t want a lot back. If I send you something expensive for your birthday, with a card and something random.. I want a card back. I don’t care if there’s nothing else. I just want you to write me something nice and sign your name, maybe put a kiss on the end. It doesn’t take a lot to make me happy.. really it doesn’t.

5. I want things but I would never ask you for them.
– and I’d feel bad if I did. For example flowers. When guys like girls they buy them flowers right? It doesn’t have to be a lot of flowers, It could just be one or two with a little bow. I don’t expect you to guess these things, I really don’t. I don’t even think of them most of the time. But sometimes it’s really nice to feel a little bit more special. Like you took the time to think of me one day even if it was just “that’s a pretty daffodil, I’ll pick it for her”.

6. I Want you to tell me things you think about me.
– I don’t mean things like “you’re so pretty” or “that one thing you do is kind of annoying”. I mean I want to know the daydreams you have that have me in them. I want to know if you think about laying in a field at night with me and watching the sky. Or about laying down with my head in your chest so I can hear your heart going thump thump thump.

7. I want to do daydreams with you
– all of them. I want to try. I’ve never had real daydreams.
I want to kiss you in the rain, not just run inside and change. I want to lay under the stars with you and hold your fingers in my own, even if it’s too cold or there are bugs. I want to stay in bed all day with you and just cuddle. I want you to kiss my forehead when I’m sad, and dance with me when there’s no music.

8. I don’t like drama. So talk to me.
– I want you to just tell me. If there’s a problem, if I’ve done something, if you hate me. I don’t care if it might hurt my feelings, I want honesty. But I don’t want there to be problems, ever. I’d like to talk enough that there would never be a problem to begin with.

That’s all for now. There’s a lot more but I’m tired, so I’ll talk to you all later/tomorrow.
Goodnight x

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