So, it’s all about distractions.
The empty space inside I’ve been avoiding for .. going on two months now. I’ve done pretty well in my opinion. I’ve kept busy, developed little crushes on random strangers and one not so random friend.
But.. I have no distractions any more. Or at least they don’t work.
And here is why.
Sarah is here all the time. And it’s fine. Her being here doesn’t bother me at all. She’s funny and she likes a lot of the things I like, and as it turns out she’s just as fucked up as I am in the head.
The only trouble is when you mix her with other people. ADHD to be exact.
The them stuff that’s happening is irritating. She’s going over to see him more, he’s coming over here to see her. And when they’re both here they cuddle up on the sofa and use me as a pillow.
It seems that’s the closest I can get to people that I like.
“hey there I like you”
“cool, me and my basically girlfriend will just use you as a pillow okay”
No. Not okay.
I’m going to have to withdraw from the group. The displays of affection make the empty hole rip open and bleed like I’ve never experienced pain before.
I really want to go away. Just to be clear I’m not saying I want to off myself.
I just want to be where no one will bother me. Where I can just drink beer and be sad without people hugging or kissing or coupling off together around me… That’s not too much to ask right?
Forever Broken x