Life Problems

Periscope and Nytol

I felt shitty. And lately it’s been evident enough that David has noticed. Or I guess bothered by it enough to ask what was wrong.
I can’t actually distinguish what’s wrong though. Not really. Everything feels wrong but nothing is really significantly horrible enough to mention. And I don’t like talking to him about things anyway. He has his own problems and last time I tried talking to him about things that were going on I became an annoyance. I don’t know when to shut up or when they’ve had enough or where the lines are.
So I kind of ditched out on him, I feel bad but it’s better than having me whine and giving him a head ache. So I guess you’ll get one instead.. especially if you go back and read my other posts..
I’m just tired and I feel kind of ill. I look awful and I have nothing to do.

So after I ditched out on David, I went on periscope. The problem with periscope is that it’s stimulating to the brain. And I want to sleep. There’s a lot of funny people on there and I would broadcast again but I like I said before. I look awful. It doesn’t help that my camera is actually amazing. There’s no way I can hide the deathly bags under my eyes.
So I’ve resorted to Nytol. This is where my nytol misuse starts back up.
I’ll be using it tomorrow. When ADHD comes over at about 6. I’m option out and going to bed, because fuck that whole situation.
I have to go back to Southampton on Thursday and I might just kill myself doing that.
Then I can sleep until Monday when I have to do it again…

I keep having this daydream where I’m standing by the road and a bus is coming along, my eyes kind of glaze over and I just step out into the road.
It’s a horrible daydream, but I feel like I’m going to end up doing something equally as retarded.

Forever blogging x

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