I need to stop looking back at everything.
It makes life harder to bare. The future harder to live and everything feel hopeless.
I like my ‘boss’. He’s cute. And sometimes he talks to me. But I stand no good chance. I stand no chance with anyone though from my fallen point of view.
Me? You like me?.. haha haha that’s the best joke I’ve heard all year.
I look back on little things and judge how imperfectly they went.
I look foward and see every bad choice I could make in the future and always forget that there’s a whole other person influencing the outcome of the moment.
So something completely out of the blue happens and
I avoid the chance to be told no.
“They might say no… I won’t bother asking just to save myself the embarrassment”
I don’t try at things I know I can’t win.
I need to start gambling with my choices but I don’t like how heavily negatively out weighed I am in all things…
Forever reliving x