This place is covered in tinsel and glitter and lights.
It just doesn’t feel like Christmas to me.
I had a day off yesterday and my realisation is that I need to not have any ever again.
It spirals me into depressing thoughts like Roy and how unlikely it is that anyone will ever like me that I actually like back..
How do you even tell? My version of “he smiled at me” could just be his version of “Oh lord that girl is weird.. oh god she’s looking better smile”
Do you get what I mean?
No one else seems too..
Do I squash the hopes down and just carry on with life like it’s just a silly day dream? It feels like the safest thing to do..
I’m wearing lipstick and stuff today. It feels weird.. I want to rub it all off my face but I don’t have anything with me to re-do it before I have to go to work.
I don’t feel good today at all.
And I can’t talk to my friend about it. She doesn’t really get the whole “if you raise my hopes I’ll be crushed entirely” thing. The more I convince myself a person is interested the more I have to talk my self out of the idea that they do. And that conversation with myself is never a fun one.
Because who would choose me out of so many other, better, prettier people..
I have to go..
Forever deep thoughts x