Life Problems · Love Problems

Night of the Living Depressed

Hey guys..
I feel crap. I have a lot to tell you but I don’t know how to put it together.
I’ve never been great at writing anything constructively.  Just in the context of how i think.

So.. it doesn’t feel like Christmas. 
I’ve done no shopping and I just want to sleep till new years.

I genuinely looked in the mirror earlier and told myself I was going to die alone.. Stop right there! I know what you’ll say. You must not tell your self such things. That’s rediculous. Etc.
The unfortunate truth to being as rational as I (think) that I am is that I didn’t believe myself.  I don’t know what will happen.
But what I do know is that I will die alone if I died within the next week. Because I’m a fool.

I like people I have no ounce of hope with. This is a flaw. It’s not like I intend it. I just prefer people that are smart and tall.. and stick figurey. But the only people that have ever liked me have been unattractive and stupid. Incessantly idiotic. Or 100 years old.
And I can’t change the fact that I don’t want them. If I could just flick a switch and like them back this blog would probably be covered in hearts and flowers and happy ass soppy shit that a lot of people would read.
You might think I’m “picky” or being overly dramatic.
We’ll I’m not.

I like Carl. And I like Joey. And I like Cid.
But none of them do or ever will like me back. I have nothing to offer right now.
I’d be an emotion Leech.
I’ll just go back to being that one everyone thinks of as their best friend.
Like that one “Friend zoned” Guy stereo type phrase every man uses when he’s mad they didn’t get picked. The “why can’t I find someone like you… who’s not you… but acts and thinks like you” Friend. 

If that makes sense? It might not. I’m rather tired…

On another note.
I watched star wars. It was awesome. You should watch it.
I have hung up a calander for the new year at my desk.
And I’ve started a new drawing.. that I’ll turn into a painting.
I hate one of my friends. You know that one I used to have a crush on ADHD.
I think I need a break from life.
I might resort to eating salad until the new year… chocolate is a salad right?

Forever Never Sleeping x


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