I would like to point out a couple of things before I write this post.
#1 I’m drunk.. as fuck. I had four double shot drinks and then four cocktails. I am more drunk than that drunk bum guy you walk past in the street every time you visit town.
#2 everybody has their shit to deal with. Their own issues and I am well aware that I am not the center of attention to the world.
With that big said. Tonight was shit.
I went to the pub. Pretty boy Joey was there, Katie was there. ADHD was there. And… new girl Ellen was there.
I don’t know how to explain this. I’m just really sad. And everything is awkward.
I like Joey. He’s …usually nice. The problem I have is this girl Ellen. I think he likes her. And she likes him. And I’m just over here being the ugly best friend to everyone.
“Jae we really care about you”
“We really miss you”
Bla bla bla. It’s all very well and good them missing me. But do I REALLY matter? No.
Joey invited Ellen to go with them shopping tomorrow. And I instantly felt a bit shit because well. They had spent the night flirting and taking pictures with eachother to ‘make someone jealous’. Because obviously im not anything to get jelouse about. You see me with someone and you shrug. I’m the ugly best friend after all.
So pictures are taken and what do I get?
I’m litrally a human thumb… great, thanks. “You’re like when a person accident gets their thumb in a picture you know”
And so I texted Nat about the fact that he invited her and I was just over here in the corner being gross and unappreciated. And we’ll Katie saw her name in the text and asked about it. And I wasn’t going to lie so I skated the truth. My “what are you even talking about” instincts kicked in where I look really frightened and confused.
She basically drunk yelled at me infront of her brother and everyone that I should have just asked to come. But if you know me I don’t like to be annoying. I’m not that friend that invites themselves to stuff their other friends are doing. I hate people like that.
I’m 98% sure I’m not really welcome there… so I’ll probably say that I’m too ill to go tomorrow.
I don’t like it. I’ve basically forced them to invite me. And Joey didn’t look impressed with her inviting me.
They had a massive argument infront of me about how she shouldn’t invite people into his car like he’s a taxi and stuff… I feel really bad.
All I really want is to matter to someone. To be invited to people’s places and things that they are doing because they want me there. Not just because I happen to be there when they invite someone else.
I’m going to go cry in a dark room now
See you tomorrow.