Life Problems · Love Problems

Nothing Good

Nothing Good ever happens after 2am.
So here I am. 1:55am. Considering posts on facebook.

I mostly just want to delete everything.
I never posted that much on there and now I do. (Which is probably why I’ve been neglecting my blog) but I know that part of the reason is I do it is because I’m just waiting for the day I get a random comment from you know who.
It won’t happen.

I always know things like that won’t happen. “I’m not that lucky”..

Those words have been going around in my head since Roy.
I remember one day. Near the end of our …i guess friendship. I was talking to him and I was just friendly joking that only I got to stare at him because some girl in his art class had ‘taken liberties’ and painted a cartoon version of him as her art project.
He’d said ‘no you don’t ‘and that’s when I’d said it. I’m not that lucky.

And no. I’m really not that lucky.
I’ve never been lucky. Not with anything.

Which is why I know my luck won’t change any day soon.
Nat asked me ealier who I liked most out of the people I like. And it’s Carl. But she also asked me if it was just because I didn’t know him as well as I know for example Joe.
To be honest. I don’t know.
I know he’s not perfect. That he can be a total asshat.
Maybe it’s just because he’s never been one directly and purposefully to me.

This is where having the ability to read his mind would come in handy.
But I’ll never have the opportunity as far as I can tell to ask him anything like that.
Besides the fact that I’m far too awkward around him. I can never think of things to ask him or.. anyone for that matter.
It’s so easy for everyone else to just talk away but I have nothing to say.
It really should be easy shouldn’t it?

“You do anything fun yesterday?”
“What did you do at the weekend?”
“What games do you like?”
“What’s your favourite show to watch?”
“How has your day been?”

It’s just so impossible to say them out loud.
And when I manage it’s like I’m about to die of some kind of spontaneous heart attack.

Ugh. I don’t know. This is why I’m constantly giving up.
He wasn’t too weird with me yesterday by the way. But it was still awkward because I’m an idiot.

2:15 am. .
Okay I should go to bed..again.. I have a long day.
Good night everyone x

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