I’ve felt kind of dead inside lately.
I’m not really sure why.
I think it’s just because Carl is back and Roy.. I don’t remember if I mentioned this on here but he messed me a week or more ago.
And Carl being back….it’s awkward.
I feel crazy in my head.
I was so close to breaking today. All the thoughts and things that have been going on.
I pretty much feel like the only person that wants me around is Nat and I can’t even be helpful to her right now.
I’m tired of people talking about me.
I hear them everywhere I go. And I really wish it was my imagination.
I was at the pub and I went to the toilet and Katie and her boyfriend were outside … I could hear them through the window. Saying something was obviously wrong.
No shit. I spent the day getting clean and ready and acceptable for dinner with her and then she told me she had planned on canceling but was being basically bullied into seeing me.
Because that makes a person feel real happy doesn’t it.
And I went anyway thinking I’d chipper up only to be faced with Joe who by the way hates me now because I poked him and apparently that’s going too far.
I go to work and people are talking about me.
I go home and people are complaining about my existence.
I just want them to leave me alone. Just get on with their own shit and stop reminding me that I’m alone and unhappy all over again.