Or anywhere at all. A real post. Longer than five words.
I shall state this has nothing to do with Vegas. I feel crowded, much like Vegas. Like people are swarming through and around my streets and I’m required to provide a form of happy entertainment.
But i also feel entirely alone. As everyone is in their own madness.
I feel very much like I don’t want to. To anything. I want to run away for a few days. For forever maybe. I envy those people that just pack a few things and run. I need an adventure. A real one. A lone one.
I’m really not the adventuring kind. I haven’t done anything intresting my whole life. I haven’t much of a story to tell and Im starting to feel like I need something. “This one time ___”. But my life is so filled with tragedy and my head is full of fairy tales. I guess it all evens out in a bizarre way..
It’s been forever since I was kissed. And even longer since I’ve had someone that makes me feel like I’m not falling apart or like I’m using all my strength and duct tape to hold myself together…
I’m not funny. I’m not pretty. I’m not smart. I’m not size 8. I’m not cute. I’m not ‘adorable’. I’m not constantly smelling of flowers. I don’t wear dresses. Im not happy. I’m not carefree.
I am no one’s first or second choice… I am great friend material. And that is all I’ll ever be. Which on most days is more than fine..
I realised something a few days ago. I won’t share just to protect my sanity but your guess was pretty close. Yes you. With the piles of jumpers and wool. And I’ve decided I like the look of Bus guy and shall endeavour to smile awkwardly everytime I see him instead of becoming tense and horrified and panicking.
I’ve decided I need to read my books more. Adventure and falling in love without the factor of leaving my room.