I’ve slumped into one of those mind sets that I’m going to die alone. It’s fine. I’m in perpetual denial. I’m sure it will come back around. On another note I’m headed off to Centre Parcs tomorrow morning. the early hour makes me feel sad but it’ll be fine. I got up the same hour… Continue reading Maybe
(Inside joke with myself here) But not entirely unrelated to topic. I’ve been thinking. about Carl. I keep sifting through all the things we’ve done and stuff he’s said and ways he’s looked and I guess I’ve been hoping I would find something that tells me that if he came back …or if he didn’t…… Continue reading Search and Rescue
I’m not me. I wish I wasn’t anyway. It’s hard to explain really. I don’t feel like I am who I am. I feel like I’m someone else most days and I don’t really like feeling like me. Me feels bad. Me feels like a waste of time and effort. Why would I want to… Continue reading When Thoughts Get The Better Of You
I think I’m falling down the rabbit hole. Not the fantastic fantasy dream from Alice in wonderland. It’s more the sort of rabbit hole where you land in mud and are surrounded by giant insects and beetles and mutant worm creatures. Where the floor is just upside down push pins and so on and so… Continue reading Self Distruction
Okay so I found out a week or so ago that Carl might be coming back in January. Or is meant to be at this moment in time. It was only a short dream.. I think. I don’t remember much of it if it was any longer than this. I’m not sure where I was… Continue reading Dreams
So yesterday was my last day of working with Carl. I feel the same. In denial. He seemed sad but I don’t know if it’s because he hates being there or because he’s sad he’s going. I didn’t want to ask. I got to work early. Like I usually do and there was lots of… Continue reading Take me with you.
I felt better. For a flicker of moments. Just a couple. I was at work early. In for 7:52 i think.. AM. i do not like mornings. I sat down at my till and mulled around for a few minutes. And I was staring blankly out the window when Carl came down and waved and… Continue reading MidMadness